Memoirs: Public, Private, Secret Hearts
by LockDown
Summary: A look in the life of Nara Shikamaru through the eyes of how Shinobi are suppose to act in Public, Private and Secret and how that effects his relationships, especially Temari.
1. Public

Memoirs: In Public, Private and Secret: Shadow

A/N: This is a stream of consciousness bit of writing from Nara Shikamaru's point of view. It takes place when he is 23.

Public:

They say everyone has three hearts; a public heart, a private heart and a secret one. The secret one is all about just you, your thoughts, hopes and dreams that you keep to yourself and those you trust most intimately. Your private one is just that, private and shared with only a handful of close people. And then there is your public one, the one that everyone sees. And let me tell you that there is a huge difference between them all.

Take myself for example, one Nara Shikamaru. I have renowned reputation for being a genius and quite possibly the laziest ninja that Kohona or even the world has ever produced. Most people fixate on the last fact and forget the other one, the more important one.

Has anyone ever considered that I could be putting on an act? That I purposely act lazy and complain that everything is too troublesome and such a drag? And shinobi are supposed to be able to see underneath the underneath. It's just that I've been playing the entire world from the get go that even the Chunin and Jonin of the village think I'm lazy. Even Asuma-sensei, thought so, but he at least figured out I was a genius.

I still laugh to this day, when people can't get over the fact that a lowly, lazy Chunin is chief advisor to the Hokage. Being such an oddity, you would think my reputation would precede me but foreign ninja and dignitaries won't believe it until they've seen it with their own eyes. A simple slouching Chunin, sitting in front of and to the side of a blond, loud mouthed, white robed Hokage.

Could I have been Hokage? If I had wanted to, yes. I have the leadership skills. In fact during the first Chunin exams that I took part in I was the only Genin promoted to Chunin. Why you may ask? I gave up my match and let Temari win. She still hasn't forgiven me for that. Other people like the current Hokage and Kazekage, Naruto and Gaara respectively, fought and won their battles. Only difference between them and me is, I toyed with Temari. The moment I hit the stadium floor (with a rather rude push from Naruto) I already had my plan all figured out. The pause in the stadium, when I made my infamous "thinking" sign with my hands, was all for show. I could have given up that match at any time and I sure a few of the Chunin and Jonin realized that. Why else did I get promoted?

So if I could have been Hokage, and very easily been a Jonin as well, why didn't I? Everyone says it's cause I'm just too damn lazy and the position of Hokage would be too troublesome. Good, let people think that. Never mind the fact that being Chief Advisor is a just as much work, if not more than being the actual Hokage. I mean, doesn't anyone remember just how tense and 

worn out poor Shizune was all those years ago? Making sure the Hokage doesn't make a complete fool of himself and the village is a full time job.

And there are advantages to being _just_ a Chunin that is famously lazy. Automatically anyone that tries to go head to head with me thinks I'm a softer target since I usually rank lower than themselves. That already gives me an edge and my opponents never realize that that was their first mistake.

Let's face it, even though Chunin and Jonin are fully fledged shinobi, the difference in rank does tend to make Jonin just a little careless around Chunin and I take full advantage of that fact. Plus it is so much fun to see those tiny signs of irritation that foreign Jonin and nobles have when they are forced to be overly polite to me. After all, I'm the Chief Advisor and just about everything has to go through me before it makes it to Naruto.

Still think I'm lazy? Well I do yawn a lot, sneak off to take naps, watch the clouds for hours on end, all in public view. Wonder where I ever got the reputation of being a lazy ass.

So that's my public life professionally; that lazy Chunin that just so happens to be the Chief Advisor to the Hokage. Romantically, well as a shinobi you really can't have open romances. Even if all the other shinobi in the village knows who is screwing who. Even I knew way back then that Asuma-sensei and Kurenai were a couple. Or the fact that Hinata had a massive crush on Naruto, or that my teammate Ino had a crush on the Uchiha traitor, as did Sakura who Naruto and Rock Lee was crushing on. Neji and Tenten were quietly seeing each other under the smoke screen of all this mess.

Out of that whole mess we all know what happened to Asuma-sensei and Kurenai. Being a stand in father at only 15 is a real challenge but it has given me lots of practice for when I get my own kids.

Neji and Tenten have gotten married, for the record the first of our age group to do so, and are expecting a kid in a month or two. Two very entertaining incidents came out of this; the day Tenten found out she was pregnant was the only time I have ever seen the Hyuga prodigy show any emotion in public (Fear as Tenten was chasing him down main street, deadly weaponry flying everywhere. It turns out that the baby was unplanned). Later Neji actually asked me for parenting advice. That last one absolutely floored me since Neji was known for never asking help or advice from anyone.

Out of the odd chase train, Sakura and Rock Lee are somehow a couple. An odd combination forged from Uchiha leaving and Naruto being taken. Ino eventually hooked up with Choji but more on the in the Private section.

Naruto finally saw the light of day (intervention by yours truly) and went after Hinata. And before you ask just how this happened, I was just hedging my own chances with my lady. She's 

very fond of Naruto cause of how he helped out her brother, Gaara. Now that Hinata totally consumes Naruto's thoughts, I can use her to help me guide the Hokage into making good decisions for the village.

Now if you are seeing another ninja from another village all together, that requires a whole new level of secrecy. At least back then it did. The bickering, hitting, and verbal sparring was the only way we could show any attention to each other without it looking overly suspicious. It became our own unique way of communicating while out in the world. Even with the current leadership of the Leaf and Sand, we still have to keep this game up. Privately, is another story.


	2. Private

Private:

Outside the ever watching eyes of the public I can be myself in the woods of the Nara estates and in the house itself, when the folks are out. Deer don't judge you after all and yes I still live with my parents. Have to keep up that appearance that it would be too troublesome to find a place, move out, wait until dad croaks and then move back in. Someone has to see that mom is taken care of. Plus the place is plenty big enough since I am the only heir.

In the woods, in the evenings after dinner and before bed, I train. Ok, start laughing now and tell me when you're done. I'm sure all of you are like; there is no way in hell that Shikamaru voluntarily does any kind of physical activity. Do you really think I could be a ninja if I didn't train? You think I got all my muscle packed onto my sinewy frame by the cloud gazing? I wish it was that easy but it took years of training. It takes time to perfect combat techniques, Nara bloodline jutsus, Nara stealth techniques (being shadow users it's only natural to be very stealthy. In fact the Nara Clan is the second best espionage clan in the village, behind the Yamanaka Clan of course) and tactics. Why do you think the Nara keep deer? It's quite a feat to sneak up on a deer you know and ever Nara can. Plus they make great pets and the occasional meal. We wait until they die of age, we're not that cold blooded.

If I'm not out in the woods sweating, I'm in the family library reading and studying various scrolls on tactics, laws, history, jutsus, etc. Anything and everything that might be useful.

My folks were really surprised when they found out I did this. I finally let them catch me in the library staying up all night after I had secured my posting as Chief Advisor. Temari was surprised as well when I started to show her this side of me, the hard working side. I might act lazy in public but I know it takes hard work to keep Kohona safe.

I do spend at least one day a week at Kurenai's place. Babysitting mostly. The kid is pretty smart. I've been teaching him shogi and go and he knows I'm not his father, not that I ever tried to be his dad. I used to get some flak from the guys cause of it. Nothing overly harsh. Just jokes about being a fatherly and responsibility and the like. Still, now the joke is on all of them.

Like I mentioned earlier, Neji Hyuga actually asked me parenting advice. It makes sense when you think about it. Neji is smart and quiet, a lot like me so we've gotten along okay in the past. And he didn't want his kid brought up in as sterile an environment as he had been brought up so that left out getting advice from other Hygua Clan members. And lastly, out of all the shinobi in our age group I was the only one with parenting experience of any sort.

As a direct result of that meeting, I started to spend more time with Neji in social circles. Naturally Neji is one of our top Jonin so we see enough of each other at work and the rare work related dinner or two.

Nowadays though, we tend to have dinner once a week with a few other people. Hinata and Naruto are always there. The blond is a good friend, even if he is still loud and clueless, and definitely knows when to take off the Hokage robes and just be himself (actually it's harder to get him to act like a Hokage). Hinata is always pleasant to have around. She somehow has managed to train the hyperactive ninja. Not that he knows he's trained (you know, he's trained in that secret way that only women know how to covertly train their men). She can get him to calm down a bit if he needs to be calmed down. The family tie in to Neji means that she and Tenten are rather close now.

And that is a good thing for me because when Temari is in town, she attends our little gatherings. Of course she _just so happens_ to drop in completely at random. Not that we're fooling anyone, well, maybe Naruto, but you have to keep appearances up. At first Tenten refused to talk to my sand princess but Hinata thankfully came to the rescue. Now, they at the very least talk to each other at the dinners and whenever they meet. I'm just not entirely sure how much they like each other.

Don't think I've forgotten about Choji and Ino. My old teammates are still a big part of my life even if I don't see them at work all that much. Ino's talents mean she's either working for the ANBU black ops, which I don't handle directly, or working at her family's flower store, which is where I see her most often. Choji and I always make a point of getting something to eat together once a week to catch up. He took over my spot at the academy when Naruto became Hokage and I got promoted. Now and again us three get together for old times' sake.

Rarer still are the times when Temari joins us. The two blondes aren't that fond of each other. Ino still thinks that Temari is just using me as a fling (for 10 years? I mean come on, Ino. Temari and I have been together longer then all of _your_ relationships all put together, the current one with Choji included. I do hope this one lasts.) and I know that Ino is just trying to be a good friend and protect me. Temari doesn't make life easy because she thinks Ino is a slut (so Ino has had a few relationships before settling on Choji. Just means she's had bad luck) and it always takes some doing to keep the girls from openly killing each other.

A/N: Like I said before, this was just a stream of conscious bit of writing. A story sort of forms in the last part Secret. I'm sorry Private is so short but I really hadn't planned any of this out. I just wrote for 2 days straight and got this. Amazing what boredom and an uber Naruto marathon makes you do. I may do a companion piece from Temari's point of view that is more thought out.


	3. Secret

Secret:

I would wonder why dad picked such a scary person to be his wife but I know the answer to that already. "Even rough women can be gentle to those they love."

It's true, Temari is much softer spoken and gentle in private. Almost vulnerable, I'd say but if she ever found this and read that I'm sure she'd happily pummel me black and blue. However, I think that would describe her when we are alone. Not weak, but vulnerable. I know, not something you would think of when you think of Temari of the Sand. She's got such a touch, bitchy, dominating, bossy, arrogant, well you get the idea. She's just radiates confidence and strength in public. Her harsh upbringing demanded that. Being the daughter of one Kazekage, and the sister of another, add in Kankuro, and no mother growing up and you get the public Temari.

In absolute private, however, she lets down her hair, figuratively and literally and man is she just beautiful with her hair down, and she opens up to me in a way that she's never done before with anyone else. Not even her brothers. The early days of our private interactions were rather amusing. I was only used to being brutally honest with a handful of people; Ino, Choji and my parents but that was all platonic love. Opening up to someone in a romantic kind of way was truly nerve wracking.

The first time I kissed her was the first time I had ever kissed a girl. And I don't mean kissed a girl like on the cheek, gods know I did that plenty with my mother and Ino growing up. I mean kissed a girl full on the lips. It was a sunny day about two years after that fateful Chunin exam. Temari had just made Jonin and was newly appointed ambassador to Kohona. We were having a private picnic on the Nara family grounds to celebrate her new status and a herd of deer happened to come by. Temari noticed a particularly magnificent looking buck and mentioned that is was beautiful. I just looked straight at her and told her that it wasn't as beautiful as what I was looking at. She turned back to me with a shocked look on her face and I leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. When we broke apart I got to witness Temari actually blush and look away from me as she tried to compose herself. I thought she looked rather cute right them and that brought an end to the picnic. I later woke up to a deer licking my face and had to clean up the picnic stuff as Temari had just run off to the consulate.

Needless to say Temari was edgy around me for the rest of her stay. Our public banters were harsher than normal and our private interactions where few and far between. Secret encounters just didn't happen after the picnic kiss. Then she went back to Suna and I carried on with my duties helping Naruto guide the village.

Several months later Lady Tsunade sent me to Suna right around the time of the crisis of Gaara's kidnapping, death, and revival. I arrived just in time for the whole thing to be over, which was fine with me. Gaara still creeps me out and I'm not afraid to admit that. Getting to see Temari more than made up for that. She was emotionally drained from the ordeal of losing her brother 

and needed comforting and reassurance. So I just held her in my arms, hidden in one of the hallways of her family's mansion. Who would have thought it would take Gaara dying before we would hug each other?

After the hug in the hallway Temari made sure that someone was always around, mostly Kankuro or Gaara's student Matsuri, eliminating any secret moments we could steal together. So the rest of my trip was strictly business, which meant spending long hours with Gaara. Thankfully he is the silent type and our conversations were kept on task.

The next time I would see Temari just so happened to be my 15th birthday. She was in town making arrangements for Suna's participation in the upcoming Chunin exams and I had very begrudgingly accepted the role as guide like I always do. So Temari attended my birthday party and mingled with the guests. At this time she wasn't on speaking terms with Tenten or Ino. Or I should say _direct_ speaking terms. Poor Neji, Dan, (or was it David? Ino's date at the time.) and I were the unwitting recipients of the girls fierce verbal combat. Basically the girls would hurl their insults at us guys but we all know they were directed at each other. Temari held out fairly well against both Tenten and Ino, in my opinion. Proof being that Ino was an absolute bitch to me the next few days.

Temari stayed until everyone else left and we took a walk in the woods. Her idea actually so I knew something was up. We wandered around for a bit when she suddenly turned to me and kissed me on the cheek. I turned to face her and got another quick kiss. This time on the lips. All she said was "Last time you didn't let me kiss back." Well there was plenty of kissing back and forth this time around.

And that's how our relationship was for a while. Chaste kisses and hugs and caresses. I might have been a young male with hormones just chomping at the bit but I also had a brain and I let that do the driving. Mostly cause that is what Temari liked the most about me and what I liked about her. We were both smart people who could challenge each other mentally. The fact that she was just gorgeous was an added bonus. More importantly we respected and trusted each other. It's hard not to when we've saved each other's lives.

Knowing we could trust the other we could unload our problems on the other. Temari would talk about how things were in Suna and I would complain about work here in Kohona. Turns out that Kankuro caused the family some trouble by being a womanizer and Gaara was adjusting to life without having a demon inside of him. I had figured out a while back that both Gaara and Naruto had the unfortunate tasks of being jailers to rather powerful demons.

Around my 16th birthday Temari opened the door to the next level of our relationship. After the party, after everyone had left we snuck out to our favorite make out spot in the forest. As usual my hands were firmly planted on her hips. That's when Temari asked me why I never let my hands roam around on her. I just looked her dead in the eye and told her the truth, I respected her. She blinked in response and thanked me, effectively killing the mood. So we just sat there 

under the moonlight and star gazed for a while. Eventually Temari stood up and I stood up as well thinking the night was over. Instead, she turned to me, grabbed my hand and guided it to her bountiful bosom. You have no idea how hard it was not to die from a fatal nose bleed then. Both our faces were bright red but she was smiling her special smile she kept just for me. I didn't have trouble touching her afterwards. I was pretty happy, even if it was all through clothing, but I learned you can still achieve a lot through clothes.

This new step in our relationship led to several rather embarrassing episodes of my life. Dad caught me in the family library looking over some, cough, manuals. Never was there ever a more awkward silence. Once dad had composed himself all he said was "have fun but be safe, Shika." We have never spoken about that incident ever and I still think that mother thinks I'm still an innocent virgin.

Embarrassing incident number two actually cost me a lot of money and a lot of hours carrying shopping bags. Yes, I went to Ino for help. The Uchiha traitor had left a few years ago and Ino had finally started chasing other boys and, um, having relations. Can't really blame her, a ninja's life, especially one what works in espionage, tend to have stressful and unpredictable lives. When Choji and I first found out that Ino had beaten us into adulthood, Choji almost choked to death on a bag of chips. But at the cost of almost a 1000 ryu and 9 hours of shopping Ino gave me some womanly advice on how to make girls feel good. Even if I was just after what she called second base information, she filled my head, against my will mind you, with third and home plate goods as well.

Disturbed, I would eventually thank my teammate for her knowledge later, but not without suffering for it. The use of my new found knowledge had two effects on Temari the next time we got together. First, it had her lying on top of me completely breathless, skin flushed and her eyes glazed over. Yes kiddies, you can get your partner off dry humping. The second and far less pleasant side effect was the fact that Temari freaked out.

Up until this point I always had assumed that Temari had had at least one other person in her life before me. I mean she is three years older, not that it is a big difference now, but it is when you're still a teenager. After a brief chase through the woods and me hiding, Temari finally calmed down enough for me to get some answers out of her.

"Why are you so upset? I thought you enjoyed that." I had called from my hiding place. Actually I was in the shadow of a tree right next to her. Bless dad for teaching me all the family jutsus.

"I did, you jerk." Temari snapped at me. Well at the general area of where I was. She still couldn't see me.

"Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is; where the hell did you learn to do that? I thought you said you hadn't even kissed a girl before me."

What do you expect? I was 14 when I kissed her and I've only ever pursued her and she knew that.

So I told her plain and simple. "From Ino." Immediately I realized my mistake and tried to carry on the sentence but it was too late. Temari wouldn't listen to me and spent the next 45 minutes devastating the family forest trying to find and kill me.

Her anger eventually turned to grief when she broke time. It was the only time I have ever seen her cry when she was sad. She didn't even cry when Gaara had died. I think that she thought she was all alone. I was still nearby, hiding in my element. She just sat down and cried, mumbling about stupid shadow boys being unfaithful, and how she was faithful to him. I captured her with my shadow possession jutsu when I made my presence know. I didn't want her to kill me or interrupt me when I started talking to her. Boy did she fight me though. Her anger at me seeing her crying was almost enough for her to will her way out of the jutsu.

I stunned her by starting off completely off topic. "We've seen each other crying now." Remember, she saw me break down after my first failed mission as a Chunin. I then calmly explained to her that I had merely asked for some pointers from Ino and relief instantly ran through her features. When I asked her why she was so upset, she barked at me, "Wouldn't you be upset if I had someone on the side in Suna?" I inclined my head to agree. "Besides, you're the only person I've ever done this with before." Temari admitted in a low voice.

The confession was enough to shock me into letting my hold on her go but I quickly recovered. "Good, let's keep things that way." Make up making out is just great. And I thanked every kami I knew for Temari being a more reserved kind of girl.

And I'm sure all of you are going, why would Temari cry? She doesn't cry. EVER. Well except for when she lets herself be emotionally vulnerable and that only happens around me. When you work really hard at being so strong and tough on the inside, you aren't very emotionally resilient.

We decided then and there to avoid future mix ups by being even more forward and open with each other than normal. And that led to the next step in our relationship; meeting of the families.

Formally I mean. Sure mom and dad have met Temari and I've met Kankuro and Gaara but never as girlfriend or boyfriend respectively. Dad kind of already knew, remember back to kami aweful library incident and he seems pretty cool with it. I think he was mostly concerned with the political implications. Like I said eons ago, foreign ninja don't get involve.

Mom, mom was the one I was worried about. She and Temari were pleasant enough to each other at dinner. Then us men got shoved into the living room and she and Temari cleaned up together. That's when the real interrogation began and Temari must have passed with flying 

colors because mom came out saying "I want a wedding and grandchildren out of this. Not now but soon."

Truth be told, I hadn't even thought about getting married, let alone having kids and from the look on Temari's face, neither had she. Trust mom to make things awkward for us for a little bit. At least we talked this one out without any drama. We both agreed, okay she mandated, that we wouldn't have any kids until she was at least 25.

Meeting Kankuro, Gaara and by this point Matsuri, who Gaara was teaching and seeing rather discretely, was something else all together. Kankuro openly threatened me and Gaara just silently judged me. The only civil one there was Matsuri who seemed to know a lot about me.

This formal meeting happened when I was in Suna on business. So what I did could have really turned out badly but at the time I wasn't thinking. And for once I'm glad I wasn't because I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't acted.

Let me set this story up right. Like I said I was in Suna on official business, which apart from the formal introduction to the family, meant spending a lot of time in Gaara's office with him. As Kazekage he has all the mission assignments on his desk. On one particular day, late in the evening Kankuro had come to round up his brother and myself under Temari's orders as dinner was almost ready.

Gaara was rather careless with one mission outline for an upcoming mission and against my better judgment I took a glance at it. I really shouldn't have looked out of respect to Gaara but it's second nature to shinobi to gather information at all times. I noticed it had Temari's name on it. It was a seduction mission, and a rather extended one at that.

I snatched the mission statement and demanded to know what the hell Gaara was thinking. He calmly replied that it was simply a mission that Temari was well suited for and that she should be willing to sacrifice anything for Suna. Something inside me snapped and I decked Gaara just as Kankuro entered the door. I demanded that Gaara destroy this particular mission outline and when he refused, I punched him. Probably the most stupid thing I've ever done because Gaara did not look happy and Kankuro jumped me from behind.

Completely enraged I actually managed to fight Gaara and Kankuro to a standstill for 30 minutes. We comepletely tore his office apart and it is a big office. And yes security did show up but Gaara kept sending everyone away.

If you had asked me about my chances against either Gaara or Kankuro when I was calm, I would have told you that I might be able to take Kankuro but definitely not Gaara. Never mind my chances against both of them together. Thank kami that even sand cast shadows and that my control over shadows was so strong. Not to say that I didn't get the crap beat out of my 

establishing the stalemate but I definitely impressed the brothers with my determination and fighting skills.

When it became clear that the stalemate was indefinite, Gaara asked me why that particular mission outline made me so angry. And I told him straight up, "I love your sister and can't stand the thought of another man touching her." That statement led to two things happening.

First off Temari had come after us boys when we hadn't showed up and walked in at the end of the stalemate. Just in time for my love confession. First time I admit I love her and it wasn't even to her face. She loudly announced her arrival with "WHAT DID YOU SAY NARA?!"

The image of the destroyed office and her brothers and I locked in mortal combat wasn't enough to override the fact I had used the L word in her earshot. I answered with "I love you Temari," and that lead to the second thing; her kissing me in private. So only her brothers witnessed it but it was the first time we had been affectionate with other people around and as public as we could get for a long time to come.

When the kiss was over, it dawned on Temari that she had walked in on the three of us trying to kill each other and in true form she grabbed and twisted my ear, hard. Kankuro laughed at me but soon enough he too had a painfully twisted ear as Temari squared up on her youngest brother. Say all you want about Gaara being scary; an angry Temari had even him a little put out. Not by much mind you but enough. Temari demand to know just what was going on and Gaara meekly answered, "Nothing." As he was doing so a certain sheet of paper was being obliterated by his sand.

Later I would be cornered by the brothers again and told I had passed their test, gaining their approval. I never felt so stupid in my entire life. I should have known that Gaara would never have left a mission outline out for me to see. That should have tipped my off in the first place. They hadn't counted on the fact that I would fight them to a standstill but they had predicted I would fight for Temari's honor.

Of course fighting with Gaara and Kankuro was the stupidest thing I could have done and that includes all the times I've pissed Temari off. It would have A; led to a war between the Leaf and Sand or B; meant me being labeled a rogue nin in order to avoid the previously stated war. But by willingly risking such grave results I seemed to earn their respect. Kankuro said he was impressed that I would throw everything away for his sister. And lastly, Gaara informed me he would never do anything to harm his sister. "I, too, love my sister Nara."

Kankuro and Gaara weren't so bad after that ordeal but they had forced my hand with Temari. I loved her and there was no denying it. Still, it would be a while before I would get to hear her say that she loved me.

That incident happened when I was 18. It was her 21st birthday and I just so happened to be in Suna for the occasion. I was invited by the Kazekage to celebrate his sister's birthday. It was a formal political occasion. Utterly boring and filled with pompous nobles from all around Suna. Naturally all of them were eye humping Temari, who was dressed like an angel. Her hair was still done up but she was in a full dress. Blue, if I remember correctly, with golden trimmings.

The after party, the real family birthday party, was a lot more fun. Kankuro got drunk and passed out. Matsuri and Gaara wandered off someplace, not that Temari and I minded. As soon as Kankuro was out of it she grabbed my hand and led me to her room. The first time I entered her room, I couldn't tell you what it looked like. Temari let down her hair and slipped out of her dress and my mind was mush.

For a moment at least. As much as all you ladies out there think us guys know what we're doing, an awful lot of concentration and thought go into our actions. Well, for the guys that actually care about their ladies having their fun too. Seriously, you put a naked female body in front of a man and you have a drooling idiot in 0.02 seconds unless they get a grip. And Temari almost had a mindless drooling idiot at her command.

It turned out that she wasn't wearing _anything_ under that dress so when she slipped it off I damn near died from a nose bleed. It would about this point I sent up a silent thank you to Ino for telling me more then I wanted to know and then I went to work.

Temari helped me out of my clothes and guided me to the bed. I took over from there, warming her up with gentle touches and well placed kisses. When I sank into her there was no resistance but we both knew we were each other's first. Years of harsh training had torn her hymen but she was tight. I'd never tell her but I had to do complex physics in my head to keep from ending too soon.

Well, that took place in the back of my head. In the middle was trying to restrain myself from going too deep or too fast while trying to set a good rhythm. And at the foremost of my mind was the fact I was making love to my sweet Temari.

Despite what she told me later, I still think I hurt her some. She tried to hide it but I'm a shinobi and I caught all the little facial and body movements she made when she was uncomfortable. Not to mention she dug her nails into my back. And she cried. Not a lot but she had a few tears in the beginning. I kissed the tears away and murmured "I'm sorry" into her ear.

She smiled at me and replied; "I'm not, because I love you."

My heart exploded with joy when I heard her say those words. I must have had such a shit eating grin on my face because Temari giggled at me and had to give me a nudge to get moving again.

Let me be the first to say there is nothing like waking up next to your lover after a long night of love making. The mood was only slightly spoiled when we both realized that neither of us had 

taken precautions. The next month of our lives were very tense but Temari didn't get pregnant. We tried condoms for a while but we tend to be a little forgetful when clothes start to go flying every which way so it was decided that Temari should be on the pill ever since.

With our separate living arrangements and our jobs it does make getting together a drag. Not that it wasn't in our pre-sex years but it is a great stress reliever and something we both enjoy. A lot. So having that little something extra to look forward to makes the greetings that much more enjoyable and the partings just as bittersweet. When Tsunade stepped down as Hokage, Naruto got the job and I had long ago sealed my position as his Chief Advisor.

That helped out a lot as I was in a position to request the Suna ambassador to come to Kohona or I could send myself to Suna to speak directly with the Kazekage. The fact that Gaara and Naruto were good friends, both in positions of power, and wanted a more permanent alliance status between the villages made life for Temari and I that much easier.

That was 3 years ago when I became Chief Advisor. That alliance finally has been hammered out. It only took a political marriage to seal the deal. The Fire Council and Sand Council wouldn't sign off on the damn alliance unless something physical came out of the deal and being the old crusty bastards they are, they demanded that Temari be married off to a high ranking Leaf noble. Why Temari? Simple, she's the Kazekage's sister and Gaara was betrothed to Matsuri. Like hell the Sand Council was going to tell Gaara he had to marry someone for political reasons.

And the only reason Gaara ever allowed Temari to be part of the alliance bargain was because of how things were set up here in Kohona. Naruto was married to Hinata (his rising to Hokage gave him enough status for the Hyuga Clan to allow the marriage) which meant the next highest ranking single ninja in the village was yours truly. I came from an old clan and was in good standings with the Fire Council, which didn't hurt at all.

So here I am. More nervous and strangely calm at the same time. In a room packed full of people. Mostly dignitaries but the front few rows are filled with friends and family. Naruto and Gaara are at the altar with me, they are going to split the duties of marrying Temari and myself. Choji is my best man naturally and Kankuro is one of the groomsmen eyeing the bridesmaids. Neji is my other groomsmen and he's staring threateningly at Kankuro, who was looking at Tenten.

Matsuri was Temari's maid of honor. That was a given since they are sister-in-laws and it saves Temari's Kohona friends from fighting. Hinata and Tenten are just bridesmaids so I guess Temari and Tenten managed to settle their differences after all. Neji and Tenten's kid is flower girl. She's almost 5 now and adorable in white. Asuma and Kurenai's boy, my "adopted son" so to speak is the ring bearer. He just turned 9 and cleans ups real good in a suit.

The music starts up and everyone turns their attention to the back of the room. Temari starts walking down the aisle dressed in light blue with golden trim. I guess she couldn't bring herself to wear white. That or she's trying to get me to remember that first night, 6 years ago. Either way she looks stunning as she walks down the aisle. The entire way she keeps eye contact with me and all I can think to myself is finally.

All that work was totally worth it. Finally I can act towards her in public, as I do in private and in secret.

_Memoirs: Public, Private, and Secret: Shadow._

by

Nara Shikamaru

A/N: There. It's done. All done in two days, this last part in just one. Thanks in advance to those that review.


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